But Grams, all my friends are doing it
I do hope you had a bang-up New Years, and if you had a headache, that it is finally gone... This has to be a “quickie” (no not that kind), not because you are unimportant, but because I don't have much time, and I did want your New Year to start with at minimum a smile at my expense.
If you know me very well, you also know I didn’t have too many misspent moments in my youth, however one event you probably do not know about, stands out from all the rest.
I remember as if it were only yesterday, because I once wanted to do something (I don't remember exactly what it was – I just remember the results) and I asked my Grandmother for permission to do it... She was slightly more than adamant... she said, "No."
Hey, that was her full and complete explanation too.
I protested, "But Grams, all my friends are doing it."
She sat me down and drilled a hole in my head with her cold black Iroquois Indian eyes as she said, (CAUTION here comes the "bad" word) "Donnie, if your friends were eating shit off a rusty spoon, would you want to do it too?"
Her shocking statement momentarily stopped me dead in my tracks because I had never ever heard her use that word or any other word like it before.
Then I asked her, "How big a spoon is it?" A then, no kidding, "And how much shit is on it." That was not one but two very huge errors in judgment. I did not know that that word S-H-I-T was reserved for grown-ups to use in times of extreme parental instruction to a knuckleheaded grandson. In retrospect, I should have just opted for the size of the spoon and not its contents.
She grabbed me by the hair (I had lots and lots back then), took me over to the kitchen sink and washed my mouth out with Lava soap. I remember distinctly that it was Lava soap because I spit out dark gray volcanic pumice for over a week.
So remember, "When dark Iroquois Indian eyes are smiling it's like a morning in Spring" ...and I might add here, that when politicians are smiling, there is probably a spoonful of you-know-what in store for all of us.
My Grandmother tried very hard to teach me to think for myself. Believe me, some days I do better than others... That was not one of them. I do have a word of advice… If you plan on using that same technique on one of your grandchildren, please use a bar of Lava that has been used often… Those barely used bars of soap hardly fit in your mouth if you are only twelve.
A short footnote: Once when I asked my Grandmother "What other people would think of me ," she replied, "Don't worry about it Donnie, they won't be thinking of you because they are too busy thinking of themselves."
She was a very wise lady...! I really miss you Grandma…!
I have absolutely no discipline...And I love every minute of it...!