After a series of conversations with my mom about the problems with this once great country of ours I have elected to post one of my more creative examples of how we could save both money and time with only a few changes.
I give you:
War on Toilet Paper
Imagine if you will that toilet paper has been made illegal. No real reason needed for the sake of this example. Now in our day-to-day lives we use toilet paper quite a bit, yet since the stores no longer carry it and it is illegal we will be forced to find a new source. At first it isn’t hard to find. The number of people making “toilet paper” is pretty high and it’s easy to get.
However this changes quickly as the federal government changes it’s approach to dealing with “toilet paper” offenders, by enforcing this new and bazaar law to the fullness of their abilities. As the police get more aggressive in their pursuit of these “toiletry offenders” and supplies of “toilet paper” are claimed and disposed of. With supply lines running short the more aggressive “toilet paper dealers” begin to attack the smaller “dealers” and claim their “toilet paper”.
The circulation of weapons increases so that the smaller “toilet paper dealers” can defend themselves against the bigger “toilet paper dealers”. As the level of violence increases the government uses this as an excuse to up the number of “toilet paper” seizures. In order to defend their livelihoods “toilet paper dealers” are forced to defend themselves from the government that was meant to hold their interests.
In the mean time “toilet paper” prices skyrocket and those who “need” it fall into desperate times. These “toilet paper addicts” begin to do all sorts of unseemly acts in order to get their “toilet paper. This results in yet another surge in violence. In order to justify the manpower needed to stem this tide of violence the government begins to focus on the youth teaching them that any “toilet paper” usage is inherently wrong and will by default make them like the very worst of the “toilet paper addicts”. Soon any of the positives of “toilet paper” usage are out weighed by the horrible violence and the desperation of the “toilet paper addicts“. This causes an entire generation to grow up believing that “toilet paper” is directly related to both gang warfare and prostitution. Very few know that these are in fact the symptom and not directly related.
In a very short time an item that was easy to get has resulted in more violence and blood shed than needed. The concepts of it being wrong because of the acts of “indiscression” needed to get are especially distasteful in the light of modern society. However these acts are directly related to the environments created in which the product can be obtained.
The solution is simple. Put the “toilet paper” back on the shelves so that the general public can purchase it in safe and clean environments. The competitive prices of retail stores will force “toilet paper dealers” out of business. The general public will reason “why deal with such unsavory characters to get my ‘toilet paper’ when I can go to the local wal-mart and not only purchase it cheaper, but without the threat of violence?”
As the “toilet paper dealers” go out of business the violence will go down since there will no longer be “toilet paper” to fight over. The money saved by no longer needing to hunt down every “toilet paper user” can be used to in much nobler causes, such as helping the “toilet paper addicts” get jobs and return to being productive members of society. And since healthy competition has kept the prices of toilet paper down nearly everyone can afford to get some. And those that can’t afford it will have easier access to it thanks to charities and other such organizations.
Peace can only be obtained by reaching outside oneself and realizing the true source of the problem.
By Maia Szalavitz Sunday, Apr. 26, 2009
Pop quiz: Which European country has the most liberal Toilet Paper laws? (Hint: It's not the Netherlands.)
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